Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize