tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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