my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bring me that man meat
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
