you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
