did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize