Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
