overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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