I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
