Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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