Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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