Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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