i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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