I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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