what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
