her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
