My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
