so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
