what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
