anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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