Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
