Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
