hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
