so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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