Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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