Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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