what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize