we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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