cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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