Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
