thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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