can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
