what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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