"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
