jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
