i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
