apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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