i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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