Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
