if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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