discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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