I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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