So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
