If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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