period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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