Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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