I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize