The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
