are you still at the devil's house?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
