imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
