She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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