im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
