The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
