i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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