I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
