this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
