my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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