Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
