Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
