it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
