i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
