Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
