there was a trapeze. enough said
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
