she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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