ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
