is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
