Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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