I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
